Songs I Like Better My Way, Vol. III

(with apologies to Toys R Us)

I don’t wanna be here,
I’m a misplaced heiress.
I want a million toys that should be mine that I can play with.
I don’t wanna be here,
I’m a misplaced heiress.
Give me the best and all the rest, no need to feel embarrassed.
From homes to planes to video games,
It’s the best fantasy there is (gee whiz)!
I don't wanna be here and maybe if I weren’t,
I wouldn't feel so completely burnt.
(More stress, more woes, oh noez!)
I wanna be an heiress for realz!

Songs I Like Better My Way, Vol. II

"O Tannenbaum"
Apologies to Germans everywhere

O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum,
You will burn so delightfully.
On Memorial Day when you're nice and dry,
The inferno will burn brightly.
The conflagration will be swell,
The flames will be like those in hell.
O Tannenbaum, O Tannenbaum,
You will burn so delightfully.

Songs I Like Better My Way, Vol. I

"I Love a Margarita"
Apologies to Eddie Rabbitt

I love a margarita,
I love a margarita,
I love to taste the tartness,
Feel the sweetness,
As it slides down my throat.
Ya know it makes me feel good.

Tequila washes my cares away,
I wake up to a sunny day.
Yeah, I love a margarita, oo, oo...

"Milo"
Apologies to Smokey Robinson and The Temptations

I've got sunshine
On a cloudy day.
When it's cold outside,
I've got the month of May.

I guess you'd say,
What can make me feel this way?
Milo. (Milo. Milo.)
Talkin' 'bout Milo. Milo.

"Tami"
Apologies to Kander and Ebb ("Roxie" from Chicago)

The name on everybody's lips
Is gonna be Tami!
The lady raking in the chips
Is gonna be Tami!

I'm gonna be a celebrity.
That means somebody everyone knows.
They're gonna recognize my eyes,
My hair, my teeth, my boobs, my nose.

(spoken)
Mmmm, I'm a star!
And the audience loves me!
And I love them.
And they love me for loving them,
And I love them for loving me.
And we love each other,
And that's because none of us
Got enough love in our childhoods.
And that's showbiz,
Kid.

And a poem to close out with.

"I Sing of White Tea and Ginger"
Apologies to Walt Whitman

I sing of white tea and ginger,
The suds of Bath & Body Works engirth me and I engirth them.

Ok, so I gave up quickly on that one. But I think I got my point across, no?