Things Learned and Not Learned

Things I Have Learned

That you should not eat applesauce with a fork. It'll work but you just might burst something vital in the frustration of attempting it. (This I just learned today.)

That you should not set a full bottle of Coca-Cola on the edge of a tub you are currently bathing in. Unless, of course, you like the sticky.

That you really should be careful what you wish for. Case in point, first I wished to get a part in the play, then I wished I didn't have to rehearse for 20 hours on the weekend in said play. I got both of those mutually exclusive wishes. You do the math.

Why the sky is blue. It's not actually; it all has to do with light and refractions and the way our eyes see light waves. Or something like that.

How to accept a compliment gracefully. Simply smile and say, "Thank you." Although this can backfire, can't it, Jason?

That I don't actually hate to cook. I actually hate the prep. The cooking part doesn't bother me at all.

How to make the best pecan pie you'll ever hope to eat in your life. (I do like to bake. No, it's not the same as cooking. Ask a chef.)

That for every cliché, there is an equal and opposite cliché. For example, does absence make the heart grow fonder or is out of sight really out of mind?

That if you act confident, you will feel confident, and people will believe that you are confident. And people like confidence. And I like to be liked.


Things I Have Not Learned

Why I have this insatiable need to be liked. And why some people are fully and completely exempted from this need. (See preceding post regarding Pilates poseurs. Ms. Newbie has never returned, btw, guess hubby's gonna have to see those flabby abs, after all.)

To keep my big mouth shut. See entire life history.

Why a singular year is plural in the following construction: "1987 called. They want their mullet back."

Why Yellow Freight Lines trucks are orange. This drives me in-freaking-sane. Seriously, are they trying to give me an aneurysm?

Why I continue to read Family Circus even though I know I don't find it even remotely amusing.

On a related note, why I am so enthralled by the adventures of Prince Valiant.

Why Jason likes to infuriate himself by watching/reading/lurking political extremists with a polar opposite viewpoint from his own.

How to finish a project. So far, I've begun but never finished knitting; mosaic making; sewing; learning Latin, Spanish, French, Danish, and Dutch; and the mini-remodel of this house.

How to wrap this post up with some witty remark or hilarious observation. Sorry kids, I got nothin'.

You're Not Doing That Right

Why do certain people in yoga and Pilates classes always seem to think they are so much more advanced than they actually are? And why does it cheese me off so badly? And why do they never think the instructor is talking to them, despite the fact that they are doing the very thing the instructor is cautioning us not to do?

In my observation, there are two types of these posers and they are almost always women. Men are a minority in these classes and seem to realize their limitations pretty quickly, often staring in disbelief (as am I) when a new pose or movement is introduced.

First is Ms. Yoga/Pilates Queen. She feels she looks the part. She's got long, stringy hair and dresses in retro ironic t-shirts and yoga pants (and she really needs to shop for a looser fit). She's been doing these moves since she was born and really needs no further instruction. In fact, she'd prefer a more loosely structured pick-your-own-moves kind of class where she could strut around and swing her hair about and show off her superiority and elegance of movement. She is invariably late for class.

The other is Ms. Newbie. She could be wearing anything, but chances are it won't be good. She freely admits she has never so much as seen a yoga pose before. She acts all giggly and intimidated before class starts but immediately dives into and sticks with the most intense options, despite the instructor's repeated pleas for beginners to go with the less intense options and the constant call of corrections. She is taking the class because she has an event (possibly her wedding) in three weeks and wants to get her abs in shape (I am not making this up). She has something to prove. What and to whom is anyone's guess.

Mind you, these observations are coming from the ungainly, chubby chick in the middle of the room who always looks like she's judging you. I am.