But Enough About Me, What Do *You* Think Of Me?

My all-time top three compliments ever received, in the order in which they were bestowed:

1. "You look like an angel in that sweater." [beat, cocks head to side] "But really you're the devil."  (By my dear friend upon my entering the room wearing her favorite {obs-viously} cream-colored, cowl-necked sweater. She spoke spontaneously and then remembered who she was dealing with.)

2. "You're a gay man in a woman's body." (By another dear friend--who happens to *be* a gay man, so high praise indeed--upon his observation that I watch an inordinate amount of Bravo, listen to showtunes in the car, and exhibit a lot of other superficial stereotypical behaviors. Shut up, I don't care, I'm claiming it anyway.)

3. "The bigger a freak someone is, the more you accept them." (By my MTF transgender sibling upon coming out to me. Important note: NOT MY WORDS. I would never use the f-word in this situation.)

Lesson for you to take away from this: I'm kinda awesome.

Informal You

Conversation with customer service rep over phone:

Rep: Thank you, Ms. Tal--, Ms. Ta--

Me: [gives correct pronunciation] It's much easier than it looks.

Rep: Oh, ok. Thank you, Ms. Ta-- Can I call you Tami?

How to Sleep Like a Baby

Fuss until someone comes and picks you up and then lets you sleep on top of him/her for an hour. When someone puts you in your bed, sleep just long enough to give that person a false sense of security. Then, repeatedly pull your pacifier out and cry until someone puts it back in. When said someone tires of this game and literally bangs his/her head against the crib rail, s/he will likely pick you up and put you in his/her bed, despite the fact that the "rules" say s/he probably shouldn't. Next, stare wide-eyed at the ceiling while the local canine goes guano-psychotic because you're in her bed. Eventually, drift back off to sleep and let your pacifier slip peacefully out, this time without reaction. Someone will then be so charmed that s/he will post your picture on the interwebz and forgive all. Except for that bit where s/he tells mean stories about you.

I Think I'm Funny

Me: I tagged your aunt in that photo. I hope she isn't offended by the poop joke.

J: I don't think she will be. She doesn't like it when 14-year-olds drop an f-bomb, though.

Me: I'll remember that the next time I'm 14.