Thursday, July 21, 2011

How to Sleep Like a Baby

Fuss until someone comes and picks you up and then lets you sleep on top of him/her for an hour. When someone puts you in your bed, sleep just long enough to give that person a false sense of security. Then, repeatedly pull your pacifier out and cry until someone puts it back in. When said someone tires of this game and literally bangs his/her head against the crib rail, s/he will likely pick you up and put you in his/her bed, despite the fact that the "rules" say s/he probably shouldn't. Next, stare wide-eyed at the ceiling while the local canine goes guano-psychotic because you're in her bed. Eventually, drift back off to sleep and let your pacifier slip peacefully out, this time without reaction. Someone will then be so charmed that s/he will post your picture on the interwebz and forgive all. Except for that bit where s/he tells mean stories about you.

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