This has been a fairly craptacular year for us and I was in no way looking forward to the holidays. We even contemplated skipping the whole thing this year. But in the end, I just couldn't stomach the thought of not having a tree and not having our usual Christmas Eve gathering for all of our friends who also don't have family nearby. So we decided to plough on, cut back, and do the best we could.
However, for the first time in my life, I derived absolutely no joy in the anticipation of Christmas. Usually, I'm as giddy as a six-year-old as the most wonderful time of the year approaches. This year, I understood perfectly those never before comprehensible people who hate this holiday. All I felt right up throughout Christmas Eve day was an impending sense of dread and obligation and an immense exhaustion. But as my friends arrived that evening and filled the house with warmth, laughter, and love (and delightfully inappropriate conversations); it felt like the perfect Christmas. It felt like home.
